(Thanks to my brother-in-law Mike Donnelly for sending me this)
Never miss a chance to rest your horse
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Don’t worry about bitin’ off more’n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.
Only cows know why they stampede.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then, to make sure it’s still there with ya.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
All I know is what I read in the papers.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Don’t name a cow you plan to eat.
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
Keep skunks, lawyers, developers, and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.
A bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
Meanness don’t happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
Don’t sell your mule to buy a plough.
Don’t corner something meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
Every trail has some puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.
Don’t squat with your spurs on.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.